.jpg)
If you had told me two months ago that I'd be spending Sunday mornings attending a traditional Latin Mass, wearing a skirt, head covered, I probably would have laughed (or at least would have asked to take your temperature to ensure you weren't delusional from fever).
The church I've called home for nearly the past four years is held in a large warehouse-type building; the pastor often wears jeans, members of the motorcycle ministry come dressed in full leathers, and the seats come equipped with coffee-cup holders. To call the worship upbeat is an understatement; even at the end of an exhausting day, it would have me jumping and dancing where I stood, hands extended heavenward. I've never doubted that the teaching was solid and that the hearts of every person there were sincerely and unwaveringly seeking Christ alone. I had no reason to think -- I never even remotely suspected -- that I would find a fuller expression of faith. Not a chance!
When I was challenged with learning about the Catholic faith, I did so knowing one thing: if what I believed to be true was in fact true, I would end up where I started. And if it wasn't, it was time to comply with the truth God would reveal to me through this process. It was a chance to flex those dogma muscles and to see if they would support the weight of this challenge.
Not that I didn't give some serious pause to this whole process -- I remember a day with spurts of tears and fervent prayers, questioning myself and my motives for agreeing to engage in this challenge, doubting my sanity and myself. I was frequently on my knees this day, begging God to hold me up, to check my motives, to show me the next step, to lend me clarity of thought.
Over the last several weeks, I have been gently and lovingly led. I have been challenged, but never pushed. My daily prayer has been enlighten my intellect Lord, and lead me into the fullness of Your truth. Grant me the grace and strength of will to obey. It's far from easy to see where I've been deficient in my faith and its practice, or where I have been in error. But if I am going to ask the question, I must accept the answer God gives. How else am I to grow in my faith if not willing to follow where Christ leads (even if some friends and family think I'm crazy)?
To be sure, I have resisted and rebelled, I have wanted to spew out some lessons I've learned as soon as I taste them. But the Christian faith is not a smorgasbord buffet where we can pick and choose what we like and disregard what we'd rather not have on our plate. And so when I feel the resistance, I ask myself: do I resist because it goes against the character of God? is it unbiblical? is it untrue? does it pull me away from Christ? or, do I just not like it? In those moments, I stop and pray for the gift of humility and for Christ to conform my stubborn will to His own. Throughout this whole process, I have often repeated to myself:
I know that some continue to believe that I'm headed in a thousand miles in the wrong direction. There is nothing I can say that will convince you otherwise. But from where I stand, I see that I have given up nothing, but gained much. I am leaving nothing behind, but receiving more from the Lord than I knew was possible. I find myself clinging to Christ more fervently than ever before, drawn deeper into His heart, and -- I believe -- seeing His will more clearly. Who would dare give that up if they found it? Certainly not me.
Dear friends, you are such a blessing to me! I pray for you. Please continue to pray for me.
.jpg)
